stay with me
by StarshotFourteen
Summary: "No matter how much he loved her or how happy they were, Remus could never completely shake the fear of somehow losing her. He never stopped being terrified she might come to her senses and leave him, or that the war would take her away. Little did he know they'd soon have their own, private war to fight."


He met her in sixth year, on prefect rounds. She was a Ravenclaw, with bright red hair and a smile that never seemed to fade. They got talking about books, characters they loved, stories they'd enjoyed, and soon they started having inside jokes, and stories of their own. Every night he got paired up with her to patrol the castle they'd talk almost the entire time, and he found himself starting to like her more and more. He tried to keep her out, but she grew on him, until one night he decided to tell her the truth about himself. He'd expected her to get mad, to run away from him, or get furious about the danger he'd put her in by walking around the castle with her at night. Instead, she kissed him, and it took the next two prefects showing up for their shift to make him let go of her.

Life wasn't perfect, far from it, but with her in his arms he felt invincible. Even his transformations became more bearable, because he knew she'd be waiting for him the second he returned. When they graduated and left Hogwarts, they moved in together almost immediately. It wasn't much, just a small apartment that could hardly fit all their books, but they were happy – in Remus' case, happier than he'd ever been.

Of course it could never have stayed that way.

No matter how much he loved her or how happy they were, Remus could never completely shake the fear of somehow losing her. He never stopped being terrified she might come to her senses and leave him, or that the war would take her away. Little did he know they'd soon have their own, private war to fight.

When the results from her examinations came in, after weeks of her feeling sick and going to every doctor in the city, Muggle and magical, she didn't even flinch. "Cancer," she said calmly, causing him to give her an odd look. "It's a Muggle disease," she clarified after a moment, and his face grew worried. "Is it bad?" he asked quietly, but she didn't respond. That was when he knew his worst fear had caught up with him at last. He was going to lose her.

Of course she wasn't going down without a fight. He knew that from the look in her eyes when they left their first appointment at the Muggle hospital – she was determined to beat this thing. And he was going to stay with her every step of the way. The doctors weren't so sure though, claiming the disease had spread too far and that she probably wouldn't make it, but Emmeline was convinced she did, claiming that magic gave her an advantage. So they started the fight, hoping against hope they could overcome the disease that was threatening to take both their lives away.

The treatment was bad, even worse than the disease if you asked him. Chemo's were first, then radiation, and both made her sick and hurt in ways the actual disease had never accomplished. It started to affect her magic too, until the mere act of levitating a book towards her became too much. He hated seeing her like this, knowing how weak it made her feel, but there was nothing he could do but hold her in the nights and whisper endlessly that everything was going to be okay. He held her hair when she threw up, he gently rubbed lotion on her inflamed skin, anything to lighten even the slightest bit of her pain. When she slept, sometimes restlessly, sometimes passed out for hours on end, he watched her, taking in her features like it was the last chance he'd ever get. The longer it lasted, the more he somehow started to believe in that idea, until he hardly ever closed his own eyes anymore, scared the feeling would actually be right some day.

As time passed, it became clear there would be no recovery. Neither of them said it, and even the doctors seemed reluctant to admit to this particular truth, but it was there nonetheless. It was in the shadow on the face of Emmeline's favourite nurse; it was in the small shake of the head that the Muggle doctor gave every time they asked about her improvement; it was even in the rattling of the machines, in the soft dripping of the fluid that steadily flowed into her veins. Emmeline Vance was going to die.

Along with making her feel sick, the treatments made her look sick as well. Her usually soft features gained an edge as she lost weight, and there were dark circles under her eyes almost constantly. But no matter how frail and weak she got, Remus still thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world. Whenever he could he'd take her places, did the things with her they always thought they'd have time for later. Later, when the war was over, when they'd be safe and happy and nothing could threaten their life together anymore. It still seemed odd to him that the biggest danger she was in right now had nothing to do with the murders and attacks, strange to think that in the midst of a war, this simple Muggle thing would be what took her away.

As the power of the dark lord grew, until almost everyone lived under his reign of terror, the powers of Emmeline Vance were dwindling, and she and Remus lived in a nightmare of their own. There came a day when her legs wouldn't carry her anymore, and he had to lift her from the floor next to the bed where she'd fallen. There were days on which the pain was so bad, even despite both Muggle and magical painkillers, that she would hardly speak to him, or move at all. On rare occasions she grew so frustrated with herself and her body for losing the fight that she got mad at him, one time refusing to look at him for days. He took it all, forcing himself to stay smiling and care for her, even when on a particularly bad day she snapped at him in her rage and said all the horrible things some part of him had always been expecting to hear. He stayed with her, tending to her every need, trying as much as he could to just make her smile at him again. Not even the growing dangers of the war could keep him away, nor the venom in her words as her body weakened and her anger grew. He knew she still loved him, she was still his Emmeline underneath the fight and the sharp façade she tried to put up in an attempt to hide how scared she was.

Finally there came a day when she didn't even have the strength for that anymore, and they both knew it was time. He never left her side anymore, scared beyond reason that she would somehow stop breathing the moment he took his eyes off her. As she realized her final moments were drawing near she did the best she could to ease his pain, a faint smile now almost constantly on her face. She wanted him to remember her the way she used to be before all this had started, loving and full of life, his no matter what. Every day she grew weaker, and she could feel the gentle pull of death attempting to lure her away in unsuspecting moments. But she never gave in, always insisting to stay with him one day longer, give him one last kiss. She couldn't leave him behind, couldn't cause him the pain she could already see on his face sometimes when he thought she wasn't looking.

One day he decided it was enough. He couldn't watch her suffer any longer, slowly fading away as she so desperately clung to life. "Emmeline.." he said hoarsely, trying so hard to keep the tears from his eyes. "Em.. You have to go now.." She shook her head wildly – or what passed for it these days, more of a slow, painful movement once to each side. "I-I can't," she managed, though her protest was weaker than before. "Can't.. leave you.." Her eyes slowly filled with tears as she held onto his hand, slender fingers laced through his as though he was the life she was holding onto. "Go," he said quietly, his face resigned. "Go on. I'll be there before you know it love." She let out a strangled noise, gripping his hand with all the strength she had as she looked into his eyes. She wanted so very much to stay with him, to give him that one more day, one last time. But she knew she couldn't do it anymore. It had been too much, there was no fight left in her body nor her mind.

With a careful nod she closed her weary eyes, shedding a single tear as he laid down and put his arms around her as firmly as he dared to. "I love you," he whispered, burying his face in her hair. "I love you so much.." Her breathing slowed and her grip on his hand slowly loosened as she lay in his embrace, but she held off for a moment longer. She wouldn't let go just yet, not until she absolutely had to. As a cold numbness slowly took over her body, she opened her eyes once more to look at him, wanting to remember his face so she could take it with her to whatever came next. "I.. love.. you.." she brought out, her voice hardly more than a faint whisper. Through his tears he smiled, both the saddest and happiest smile she had ever seen on anyone in her life. Gentler than she could ever remember him being he pressed his lips to hers, and she knew that now was the right time, if there would ever be one. Her heart rate slowed as they breathed together, the earlier numbness replaced by a warm glow that spread through her body where they touched. She took one last look before allowing herself to slowly slip away, eyes lovingly gazing into his until the last moment when they shut. _I love you_, she thought as hard as she could, and she knew he must have heard her, because his hold on her got firmer, and his lips pressed harder against hers. With a last soft beat her heart slowed down to a stop, and she left him behind – lost to him for good, the only one he had ever loved.  
_Emmeline Vance._


End file.
